Standing at the threshold of my Mom Cave this morning, I lingered and drank in its darkness. Quiet from lack of use, it called to me, as it has over the past few weeks since I last visited in earnest. Our relationship has changed, it seems. I used to run to this room for refuge, to sit in my chair and to find my sanity within the keyboard of the computer.
The last time I posted here on this blog, I was a frazzled mom waiting for the school year to begin. Hanging onto my "school vacation" sanity by a thread and anticipating the structure that comes with September, I looked forward sending our older son to his program and digging into a new life here at home, tutoring and home schooling our school phobic younger son.
New teachers, new teams, new schedules, new issues, new challenges, new behaviors, old behaviors, same problems, same diagnoses, same great kids, same tired mom, same full plate. No tragedy. No depression. No tears. Just a very full plate.
As all of this unfolded in the weeks after "school vacation", I walked past the door to this Cave. Sometimes, I made myself come in here and sit in the chair. Staring at the computer, I often felt nothing and everything all at once.
Two children. Two. Two with ASD diagnoses and the co morbid issues that often accompany autism.
At their young ages, mom is the facilitator, the conduit used to bring their current level of learning to their future potential. I am their safety net. I am their champion. To move mountains for two children at once can simply be all-consuming.
You know that popular saying about not being able to see the forest for the trees? Meaning, that a person can't see the big picture because he was too focused on the details of the situations? One thing that has actually always worked well in our household is that my husband and I have done the opposite. And, lately, I've lost sight of that approach. Lately, I have not been able to see the trees for the forest.
The totality of this life has reduced me to a work horse, and I've forgotten the small things, the things that have traditionally kept this family moving. Things like celebrating the change of season. Halloween.
Things like The Mom Cave.
We don't live ignorantly in this house. Certainly, we are aware that autism and the varying special needs we are facing are life-long. However, to focus on them entirely turns life into a grind. Today, I took a step back. I walked into my Mom Cave, and I forced myself to type.
Hello to everyone for the first time in quite a while.
The last time I posted here on this blog, I was a frazzled mom waiting for the school year to begin. Hanging onto my "school vacation" sanity by a thread and anticipating the structure that comes with September, I looked forward sending our older son to his program and digging into a new life here at home, tutoring and home schooling our school phobic younger son.
New teachers, new teams, new schedules, new issues, new challenges, new behaviors, old behaviors, same problems, same diagnoses, same great kids, same tired mom, same full plate. No tragedy. No depression. No tears. Just a very full plate.
As all of this unfolded in the weeks after "school vacation", I walked past the door to this Cave. Sometimes, I made myself come in here and sit in the chair. Staring at the computer, I often felt nothing and everything all at once.
Two children. Two. Two with ASD diagnoses and the co morbid issues that often accompany autism.
At their young ages, mom is the facilitator, the conduit used to bring their current level of learning to their future potential. I am their safety net. I am their champion. To move mountains for two children at once can simply be all-consuming.
You know that popular saying about not being able to see the forest for the trees? Meaning, that a person can't see the big picture because he was too focused on the details of the situations? One thing that has actually always worked well in our household is that my husband and I have done the opposite. And, lately, I've lost sight of that approach. Lately, I have not been able to see the trees for the forest.
The totality of this life has reduced me to a work horse, and I've forgotten the small things, the things that have traditionally kept this family moving. Things like celebrating the change of season. Halloween.
Things like The Mom Cave.
We don't live ignorantly in this house. Certainly, we are aware that autism and the varying special needs we are facing are life-long. However, to focus on them entirely turns life into a grind. Today, I took a step back. I walked into my Mom Cave, and I forced myself to type.
Hello to everyone for the first time in quite a while.
Hello to you! I haven't posted anything beyond the weekly topic announcements for...yikes, I'm not even sure how long it's been. A while. Quite a while.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a reason. My kids are grown and I'm no longer responsible for the daily care of anyone but myself (well, and the big kid). Still, I haven't blogged. Haven't wanted to. Still don't, really.
Maybe the bug will bite again. I kinda hope so. At the same time, I kinda hope not. Does that make sense?
Beth, I'm afraid I could have easily never written again. What you say makes perfect sense.
DeleteI am so happy reading a report from the Mom Cave again! I have so missed you and your wisdom. This is very much what I love about your blog. Here's my life. Here is how I'm trying to move forward and here are my blessings along the way. <3. So glad you're back today.
ReplyDeleteThanks for always being you, Jo!! xo
DeleteWelcome back. It's amazing that you ever blog anything.
ReplyDeletehttp://joycelansky.blogspot.com
Hi, Joyce! And, thank you! I really have missed not being here, but I just haven't had it in me to write. I know you understand this life, and I always appreciate your input and support! I hope you are having a good school year?
DeleteHi Amy, so nice to see you writing again. I know how my day-to-day life gets in the way of writing, so I can only imagine how it affects you. I've missed reading your postings recently. Hope that things are settling into somewhat of a routine for you, although I know that not much in your life is ever "routine!"
ReplyDeleteHi, Tasha! Thanks for reading. I don't know if things are any MORE hectic than normal? Although, having our younger son home all the time is a new way of life. I think it was more of a mental shift for me, a realization that there was truly no "one child diagnosed and one not" or "one child mor affected than the other". I'm facing the challenge of trying to direct the education of two children with significant needs. That takes a lot of mental energy, and I know you understand this!
Deletehello, to you, amy. you've got it right.. the real truth is to focus on every important aspect, especially the small (almost) forgotten ones... it truly helps to balance our thinking. I cannot begin to compare my life's situation to yours, the fatigue you must feel, the wondering why you've been put in such a position, but i do know, without a doubt, that to appreciate what is real and precious, what is good and worthy, makes life more peaceful. i hope you are back, to continue to share... <3
ReplyDelete***today at work, my 5th grade students wandered towards the classroom, returning from working in an adjacent class... as they came closer, i pointed to the beautiful puffy clouds in the sky, and exclaimed 'oh, my gosh, look at those clouds!'.. at first they were confused by my excitement, (as if looking at clouds was soooo boring), but when i began to engage them, they became very excited about the cartoon-like wonders.. i love it when something so simple can bring enjoyment to unsuspecting observers...***
Hello, again! I've missed you! Looking out the window of the Mom Cave right now, and there are no clouds to appreciate. However, I have a GORGEOUS tree that has turned yellow with the season. Ahhhh.
DeleteMy husband and I have always made it a practice to celebrate the little things in life. It has been what's kept us moving forward. As events changed this past spring and summer with our younger son, my role to parenting and directing the paths of both children increased. I lost sight of the little things. When that happens, life is reduced to drudge. Who wants that?
Glad you took time to write. I think of you periodically and wonder how you're doing. This year my daughter and I...well, mainly my daughter, are homeschooling my youngest grandson who has special needs that definitely don't fit into the public school format. Mikalh is diagnosed with auditory processing disorder in addition to ADD, less challenging than your little guy but challenging nonetheless. I appreciate your willingness to share your experience. I have recommended your blog to a friend of mine who has two ASD sons.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting again after so long!
DeleteOur guy has the ADHD component, and I do feel fortunate that he can wiggle in his chair, or walk around, or lay on the floor while he is learning. I love that about learning at home. There are still challenges, but more often than not, I find myself pausing at some point during an alternative learning moment and feeling thandful that we were able to teach him that way because it would not have happened in school. I'll be honest, I don't know what the ultimate fit for him is. I don't. This incredible challenge has also been a reason for my silence.
Thank you for referring your friend to this site as I believe parents can be a great support to one another. If there is anything I can share that might be helpful, please let me know.