Thursday, February 16, 2012

GBE2: Do-Over

Well, what do you know? This morning I actually fit into those pants that were too tight for me a couple months ago! What a relief!!

But, please and thank you, no congratulations are warranted. I don't even want to discuss the amount weight I put on in the past year. Let's just quietly aknowledge and move on. It bothered me, but I didn't know what to do about it.

It was so disheartening. Each day as I got dressed, I lowered my daily standards from what looked cute to what hid the most. And, I started to question if this was what I could expect from life.

Gasp! Was this what I could expect from being middle aged??!!

This time last year, I was in my skinny jeans, and within a few short months from that point I really didn't know if wearing them would ever again be a realistic expectation for me. Thankfully, the tides have turned.

"I have no idea how I got off track," I said to my husband the other night, "or why it was so hard for me to get back ON track."

He looked at me as though I'd lost my marbles. So he helped me take stock of the past year:

-Pull younger son out of an ill-fitting educational environment.

-Homeschool him for the remainder of the school year.

-Arrange private psychological and developmental evaluations on said son.

-Receive his autism diagnosis as well as four other developmental diagnoses.

-Try not to go insane with constant barrage of chat chat from chatty child
absolutely all day long.

-Research placements for younger son for following school year.

-Negotiate an IEP for our younger son for the following school year.

-Med trials. Yuck.

-Introduce 100 ladybugs to our household to teach our kids about lifecycles and
then realize that lifecycles include sex--lots and lots of sex.

-Meet increased anxiety of older son by driving him in car 4-6 hours straight
every night for an uncomfortably long stretch this summer.

-Learn that, somehow, our family dog has become the Boogie Monster and must be
out of the house/away from older son at all times. Poor pooch.

-Negotiate IEP for older son for the following school year.

-Introduce three bullfrog tadpoles to our household to teach our kids about
lifecycles and learn that young frogs eat one another.

-Hold younger son's hands as he battles depression and anxiety attacks after
Christmas break, sometimes not able to face the day at school.

-So...that last bullfrog in the tank. Is it dead? Or, hybernating? Dead?
Hybernating? Or...dead?

Aside from those things, it has been our usual bed wetting, dirt eating, marker licking, non-stop screaming/talking/night waking life. Huh. I guess I was so busy working with my nose to the floor that I didn't take a step back to breathe.

Life is just busy. And, please, let's not even enterain the idea of a "do-over". NO THANK YOU! Knowing this family, if we were given the past year to do over again, we'd probably do it over in a more hectic fashion than we already have. I'd say if a few extra pounds is all I have to show for surviving the hurdles placed before me this past year, then I am doing quite well!

After all, life can be a lot harder. My children could have terminal illness. We could be homeless. My marriage could be in shambles. I can live with the level of mental disorders that are in our lives. There are countless scenarios other than mine that could be much worse than the crazy little life we have going on in our crazy little house.

Life, dear friends, is all about perspective.

No need for do-overs. Let's just keep on doing.


  1. Your conclusion is so true! And I guess you are doing so well under the circumstances!

  2. Let me see here, does this sound at all familiar to you?
    Take care of yourself or you will be of no use to those you wish to give care? the pedicure is a good start and the diet conscience choices a good step, now just one more little thing. Give yourself a break! Seriously, Amy. You are such an amazing mom and woman, you deserve and need YOU time. Whatever makes you totally relax and be happy, you need do allow yourself to have THAT on a regular basis. Maybe once a week or every other week, whatever you can manage.
    You matter, too. ♥

  3. Amen to Jo's wise words. They need you, but they need a strong you, Amy. Be kind to yourself, and take time for yourself, whenever it happens! And if it doesn't happen, make it so (as Picard would say) Just reading this wore me out, so I'm off for a lie down... make sure you do the same sometimes *hugs*

  4. Gosh Amy, I don't know how you could gain weight because I don't know when you find time to eat. You and your outlook on life are so amazing. You win Mom of the Year in my book. But to keep going at that level you must remember what Jo and Mojo said and take care of yourself. You deserve it.

  5. very good, to the point post. i like it. how insightful your husband is. i like him, too. :)

  6. Wow, I don't know how you find time to eat, either. Your attitude is so admirable, as is the way you handle your life and your sons. A thousand cheers to you and to your husband! And congrats on fitting into those pants again!

  7. Your husband is spot on - and you are doing just fine!

  8. WOW
    Keep blogging, I love reading your entries.

  9. Can I tell you how much I love what you wrote? Like, really, really loved it? I have a 21 year old son with autism and I have lived the life. And you are right: a few pounds is nothing in comparison to the challenges you face and the love you are bringing your boys each day. You rock! Carry on! (

  10. Uuuggggh! I'm going to be a rude, rude blogger and give one response to you all. THANK YOU. Thank you for reading, and instead of laughing about my waist line, you thought enough to care about my well being. I didn't expect that, and I appreciate you.

    The truth is that you take breaks when/if you can get them. My husband and I haven't had them for years. We haven't had formal dates since our older son was a newborn. However, we spend every evening together in front of the tv (romantic!) And we truly share the same family values.

    Tonight, I sit worried about a friend who's daughter had a seizure in school today. Amidst texts about medication, symptoms and our fears, she said she was struggling with her weight and didn't want to take comfort in food over this.

    When we are in the eye of the storm, we need to take comfort where we can find it (legally). Be kind to ourselves. Life will give us all enough grief.

    Xo to Ellie.