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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

GBE2: Pick a line from a book and write from there.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


"The Road Not Taken"
---by Robert Frost

Every time I read this line, I picture a parent, even me, young and naive, walking that single path of impending parenthood one day when, unexpectedly, I am faced with change, a spot in the road where the path diverges into two distinct directions.

This is where my future is determined.

Standing in line with other expantant parents on that path, we anxiously await our fate. Will our lives be directed down the well-worn path of conventional society, of developmental milestones, soccer teams and school proms? Or, will a few of us be sent down the road less traveled?

You know that road, it's the road we all fear as parents when we are expecting. It's the road of quiet whispers, long stares, long nights, deep breaths, public meltdowns, missed milestones and broken hearts.

It's the road nobody wants, at least not at first, anyway.

In my heart, I realized I was on the less-traveled road to special needs parenting before I left the hospital with my older son, then a newborn. I fought it. I kept trying to turn back. I wanted the other road. I wanted that road for us both.

It's not that I wanted to give him back, and I knew that I couldn't. I didn't want to change him...I just wanted to fix him. Try as I did, I could not fix him. And, in realizing that I couldn't fix him, I started to see that he, in fact, wasn't broken at all.

I was.

I started down this path an individual, narrow in scope, patience and understanding. Today I wonder, why is it that I am the one considered "normal"?

Our older son likes to play with sounds. He has vocal stims but very few functional words. To be honest, I have A LOT of words that are functional yet atrocious all at once. Why am I more socially acceptable?

Living with chronic pain and having no manner to express that pain--no manner to express most thoughts in his mind, our son has all the patience in the world. I get grumpy if I don't eat or if someone cuts in front of my car on the road. Yet, guess who's skills are considered mainstream?

Yes, I know, in walking down this road, I have perhaps learned to stretch my thinking beyond what the mainstream would consider reasonable. And, I wonder, is that really so bad?

I did not want to take the road less traveled. It's path is not cut. The course is not clear. The route takes more time. But now, unable and unwilling to turn back, what I can say is that the journey has so far been worth the effort.


This entry was written in response to a weekly prompt issued by the Group Blogging Experience 2 (GBE2).

38 comments:

  1. Nothing here surprises me, I believe most parents who have taken this road are in similar positions, with one huge exception. Many are so mired in pity for their child or themselves or both, they forget to understand the miracle of life they have been given. They forget to notice how remarkable, how intelligent, how extraordinary their child is. The most unique among us is also the most prized.

    Wonderful post from my wonderfully loving and aware Mom in the Cave. ♥

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    1. Jo, my resonse to you somehow didn't post yesterday. I'm sorry.

      I do believe that, yes, there are parents stuck in the grieving process. I went through it. I DID, although I hated that word. I denied the word, even though that is what I was doing. I WAS sad that my own expectations weren't going to be realized--for myself and for what I wanted for my kids. But I learned that there is more to life. There are more ways to live life. There is more beauty to be found in life.

      You just have to be open to it.

      xo
      Thanks for reading.

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  2. This is such a lovely post. You may have taken a road that others wouldn't even wanted to consider because you had little choice, but from what I have read here since I first started coming to your blog to visit, you have found your way and made your journey along life's path worth the trip. Bravo! There are a lot of people that never make the most of the lot they get in life and choose to be miserable their whole lives. You are one remarkable lady and your kids and lucky to have you as you are lucky to have them.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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    1. It really hasn't beeen a graceful process, I don't think. I cried a lot in the beginning, and I hope felloe parents reading this blog know that IT'S OKAY! It's okay to not have wanted this life and okay to take your time making it your own. We all get there.Thanks for being so faithful, Kathy.

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  3. "In my heart, I realized I was on the less-traveled road to special needs parenting before I left the hospital with my older son, then a newborn. I fought it. I kept trying to turn back. I wanted the other road. I wanted that road for us both."

    What a place to begin. And you've traveled that road with love, grace and humor. I know from your posts that it's a struggle each and every day, but your boys were given to you for a reason and that is because you see them as blessings and constantly seek the positive light.

    Really lovely post and truly inspiring.

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    1. Thank you, Amy. I do believe that I'm a good mom for them. I'd rather be perfect...or near perfect...but, alas, they see ugly moments from me.

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  4. This one brought tears. There is nothing quite so beautiful as love and you, Amy, embody what it means to be a mother.

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  5. I suspect God knew what he was doing when he gifted you with your child. Beautiful.

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    1. Yes, I do believe there was a greater purpose to all of this. One child? Maybe. Two with autism. Whew, that's tough. Second child born with a paralyzed arm? Really? OCD in both? Anxiety? Bi Polar?Adhd? Yes, there is a reason.

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  6. Wonderful post and picture of a loving parent.

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    1. Thank you. I hope others similarly situated to me find a commonality.

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  8. I am awed by the positivity in your post. You are a very brave person

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    1. Thank you. And, really, I'm just a mom. I have two children depending on me. If that doesn't call you to fight, I don't know what will.

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  9. i too have been down the road less traveled and it can indeed be a lonely trip----but the beauty alone the way, makes it bearable<3

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  10. This was lovely. It reminded me of a poem that used to be on the wall of the office at my very first human services job. Although, I can't seem to find it anywhere online...

    Beautiful job, Amy <3

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  11. Amen to that.

    I was on hiatus following the A to Z Challenge, but wanted to tell you I nominated you for a Liebster Award on my blog. Didn't know what it was until I got one myself, but decided to play along and pay it forward.

    All the best,
    Justin

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  12. Amy, God only blesses special parents with special children. You are twice blessed. He must think you are extra special and so do I.

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    1. I'm not sure, but thank you for the thought.

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  13. I really love your writing and would love to have you join my new writing workshop hop -- try your hand at fiction. I think you'd be stunning:)
    http://sandrasfiberworks.blogspot.com/2012/05/sandras-writing-workshop-hop.html

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    1. I checked it out. Sounds fun! Love your instruction, also. I hope people reading this will consider taking a look at it also.

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  14. W O W..don't know why..but i tear up every time i read your thoughts..it always strikes a chord in me. ((hugs))

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  15. What a wonderful post about one of my favorite lines of poetry. Well done!

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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  16. You and your family have a large measure of courage and patience. Hang in there. I know that it's easier said than done.

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    1. Patience still wears thin in this house. We aren't perfect by any measure. Thanks for visiting and for the words of encouragement!

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  17. Amy this is so beautifully written and so heartfelt. I am so glad I read it at the end of my day - I will ponder over these lines: I started to see that he, in fact, wasn't broken at all. I was.
    You and your family are an inspiration. God bless you.

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    1. Thank you. And, ah, yes, you picked the heart of the piece. That sentence was years in the making.

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  18. Amy, you just leave me speechless. All those things are in my heart to, you articulated them so beautifully. I loved this post.

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    1. Oh, and whew, glad you didn't pick a line from Fifty Shades of Grey;) See and there I go to the gutter as usual;) lol.

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    2. Thanks, Cari!

      I've been buried lately. CSE season and all. Thank goodness this didn't coincide with the A to Z Challenge! Haha!

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  19. Amy, this was just beautiful. I don't have a lot to add to what others have said except that I want to pass on this award to you: http://faithinambiguity.blogspot.com/2012/05/kreativ.html

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