Expectations

I have joined a new blogging group to educate and challenge me. Members have been issued a topic this week for our entries: expectations. Was this topic created for me or what?!

My blog discusses life along the road of parenting. What were my expectations?

Well, call me crazy, but I didn't expect there to be nineteen staff observing me the moment our older son entered the world. I didn't expect to be sitting on ice packs in mesh underwear while people parade in and out of the room either--nobody talks about that, by the way.

I did not expect my older son to take on the appearance of a child with Down's Syndrome, setting off concern from developmental specialists. I didn't expect my younger son to be born with a paralyzed arm due to a brachial plexus injury at birth. I didn't expect to be a mother to children with multiple special needs.

I expected, you see, to be your typical soccer mom, worrying about teething and swim team schedules and room parent activities. I did not expect this solitary life of therapies, doctor's appointments and sitting at home with my child because the outside world is just too noxious to handle on any given day.

Redefining one's expectations when there is no other option is a challenge. Sure, I have cried about it--a lot! But, in the end, crying does not change the circumstances. My true challenge has been to redefine my own expectations for my children's lives into something more realistic...and then to be okay with that new definition.

Perhaps you'll say this isn't realistic, but at forty, and under all the stress that comes along with having two children with special needs, I still have the expectation of attaining something close to supermodel status. I CAN do it...can't I?

Gosh, is my mind racing! Every day, I have the expectation of a clean house, salvation of my sanity, sex kitten hair, calm children, clean clothes, heck, a clean EVERYTHING all before bedtime so that I can spend at least one moment a day in peace, tranquility and quiet.

Now, is that so much to expect?

I agree. I'm insane. This topic is better than therapy! Maybe I can expect this blogging challenge to rid me of my anti-depressant! LOL! One can hope!

Excuse me for just a moment, "I EXPECTED YOU CHILDREN TO BE IN YOUR BEDS QUIETLY BY NOW, AND IF YOU ARE NOT BY THE COUNT OF THREE, I AM COMING UP THERE BREATHING FIRE!!! ONE...TWO..." Ah, that's better.

Ahem, where was I?

I believe that the bottom line for a parent of special needs is that we must have time in the beginning to grieve the loss of our expectations of life, love, family, and home. And, then, ever so slowly, we must rebuild those expectations again. If necessary, we review and revise along the way. For it is those unrealistic, ill-fitting expectations that will bring us down. It's like the square peg in the round hole. The size 12 body in the size 8 skinny jean.

Some things in life, we need to face with brutal honesty.