Monday, August 8, 2011

GBE2 challenge 12: The Rings

My blogging group has issued the challenge to write about this picture. When I first saw it and began to relate it to this blog, I thought, well, the rings are not actually ON anyone's finger. Sadly appropriate for couples who rear children with special needs.

Most marriages fail to survive. The cost of rearing a person with special needs to adulthood and beyond is horrific. The strain that caring for a special needs child places on parents is relentless. Family pressure, work pressure, pressure to maintain the home when there isn't enough time in the day...

Yes. I can see why marriages fail more often than survive.

Yet, taking a longer look at the picture, I see that the rings are sitting together--almost as if they actually LIKED one another-- and, well, if I were truly done with my spouse, I would likely fling my ring across the room or out a window--I certainly don't think I would lie it gently on top of his for eternity. LOL. Nor would he.

No, I see that this picture conveys togetherness.

These two rings are seemingly perfect, aren't they? They sit together so lovingly. Well, don't be envious, I'm sure they have their moments. Don't all marriages?

In the case of the special needs household, I'm sure it has happened all-too-often that the bearer of one of those rings cried that the work load at home was dispersed disproportionately and that there was never enough time or money for relaxation. Then, the other ring's owner could have tossed his/her hands up with frustration, explaining that he/she is giving more than there is to give. The love between the two not gone, but, rather, buried by life.

In this scenario, the rings would be sitting, still in the same frame, not intertwined, but perhaps side-by-side.

I bet sometimes the rings in special needs households could be pictured alone. If the needs of the family are so great that the ring's owners must divide and conquer, sometimes taking kids to different doctors in different states or taking one child somewhere when another child must stay behind in an environment that better suits his/her needs. Sometimes those rings arrive at a function together, but, alas, separate when one child has a meltdown but the other child wants and deserves to stay. Still very much together, those rings are seemingly apart.

My husband's and my rings have been everywhere!

Last night, after another trip in the car--one among a string of countless others-- my husband returned home with a groggy child. Still very much a little boy, our son would love to be carried to bed, and we'd do it if we could; however, he weighs 100 pounds, and the best we can do is to give the sleepy kid a piggy back ride. Thank goodness my husband does this most of this time! However, after all these car rides and all this piggy back rides, my husband is tired, too!

In they came, son perched on my husband's back with his eyes barely open. I grabbed the clunky toy out of son's hand so it wouldn't konk daddy in the head. In one quick motion, I slipped his shoes off of his feet and followed behind the two as they started up the stairs.

My husband groaned, and I thought it was from the workout of doing stairs with all that added weight, but when I learned our son was cutting off his air supply, my hands went under our boy's rump to lift him up and relieve the pressure around daddy's neck.

The routine took no directives from either one of us. We were a well-oiled machine, he and I. Last night, I am proud to say, our rings sat together, one holding the other up when needed.

It was a nice moment. Not long after, we both passed out from exhaustion. Somebody PLEASE remind me to tell him about this sentiment before I forget about it--or, worse, before those rings change positions.

Inevitably, I know that they will. And, as long as the ring stays on my finger, I am okay with that.


  1. Okay, you brought a tear with this one. It is just beautiful. What can beat a well oiled machine? That is what marriage and mutual love and respect really is. Not the ooc days. (out of control) Nor the parental exhaustion end of the rope's the moments. Love this sincerely, love this.

  2. This one was wonderful. I can see you guys together, climbing those stairs and then standing side by side once your son was in his bed, both of you exhausted, but exhausted together. Very nice.

  3. Wonderful post, I love how you've linked the two rings to a real-life situation. Not the 'happy-ever-after, drifting off into the sunset' kind of romantic life, but a much stronger and deeper link forged by your two rings.

  4. Why do I nearly always start my replies to your posts with 'Awww,Amy' or 'Oh, Amy'? Because everything you write about hits me straight in the emotional core of me, and I wouldn't have you write any other way.
    You know, reading this, I realised something. I rarely acknowledge your hubby in my replies. Well let me put that right. It's clear he is the ying to your yang, always there, quietly in the background of all your thoughts and actions and I am so glad you found a good one, Amy, because what you say is right... marriages struggle when there are special needs. So, tonight, I'll raise a glass to hubby (let's face it, he'll be too tired to do it himself!) and thank whatever gods are listening that you were sent the right man to help you.
    *hugs all round*

    PS -... did you tell him yet? *wink*

  5. What a beautiful partnership you two have. Very poignant. Thanks

  6. Great article Amy! Love is where the rubber meets the road. Guess what else is there; friction, heat, and wear and tear, yes, but also progress, momentum, direction, and achievement!

    REMINDER: Go tell your husband how much you RESPECT him!

  7. Your writing always remind me to be grateful and I have great admiration for your family. Thanks!