GBE2: Pick a line from a book and write from there.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

"The Road Not Taken"
---by Robert Frost

Every time I read this line, I picture a parent, even me, young and naive, walking that single path of impending parenthood one day when, unexpectedly, I am faced with change, a spot in the road where the path diverges into two distinct directions.

This is where my future is determined.

Standing in line with other expantant parents on that path, we anxiously await our fate. Will our lives be directed down the well-worn path of conventional society, of developmental milestones, soccer teams and school proms? Or, will a few of us be sent down the road less traveled?

You know that road, it's the road we all fear as parents when we are expecting. It's the road of quiet whispers, long stares, long nights, deep breaths, public meltdowns, missed milestones and broken hearts.

It's the road nobody wants, at least not at first, anyway.

In my heart, I realized I was on the less-traveled road to special needs parenting before I left the hospital with my older son, then a newborn. I fought it. I kept trying to turn back. I wanted the other road. I wanted that road for us both.

It's not that I wanted to give him back, and I knew that I couldn't. I didn't want to change him...I just wanted to fix him. Try as I did, I could not fix him. And, in realizing that I couldn't fix him, I started to see that he, in fact, wasn't broken at all.

I was.

I started down this path an individual, narrow in scope, patience and understanding. Today I wonder, why is it that I am the one considered "normal"?

Our older son likes to play with sounds. He has vocal stims but very few functional words. To be honest, I have A LOT of words that are functional yet atrocious all at once. Why am I more socially acceptable?

Living with chronic pain and having no manner to express that pain--no manner to express most thoughts in his mind, our son has all the patience in the world. I get grumpy if I don't eat or if someone cuts in front of my car on the road. Yet, guess who's skills are considered mainstream?

Yes, I know, in walking down this road, I have perhaps learned to stretch my thinking beyond what the mainstream would consider reasonable. And, I wonder, is that really so bad?

I did not want to take the road less traveled. It's path is not cut. The course is not clear. The route takes more time. But now, unable and unwilling to turn back, what I can say is that the journey has so far been worth the effort.


This entry was written in response to a weekly prompt issued by the Group Blogging Experience 2 (GBE2).